With a straight face
The doctor tells me
My cat may be suffering
From a psychological disorder
And that he might need
Anti-depressant medication
With a straight face
He delivers this message
And is met with
A stare that doesn’t know
Whether to laugh
Strangle someone
Or just start crying
When exactly did we inflict
This desperate bid
To ensure every waking second
Is a painless sleepwalk
Onto the animals
Did sabre-tooth and T. Rex
Need Prozac
To deal with their murderous ways
Does a wolf pack
Need to see a specialist
In family counseling
Does the bear
Truly need to hibernate
Or is it just suffering from
Seasonal affective disorder
Simply requiring
A shot of melatonin
And some light therapy
With a straight face
I tell the doctor
When you are flexible enough
To lick your own ass
My cat will start taking
Mind and mood altering pills
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